As of the date of this writing, a close friend and mentor of mine is currently going through the process of trying to age gracefully as best as she can while also working on overcoming barrios to continue to live on her own, and age in place. She’s only seventy years old but has severe pain because of progressive arthritis in her hips. The hip bones are deteriorating (or nonexistent) and are bone on bone with no buffer in between.
The following is a list of actions she is taking to receive support as she navigates the daily challenges of life, aiming to remain in the comfort and familiarity of her own home and avoid living in a nursing home:
- Building a strong support network
- Ensuring her home is safe and handicap accessible
- Planning for emergencies with people to watch over her home and her sweet dog Zeva
- Prioritizing her health
- Actively maintaining social connections with friends and community groups
- Inviting another single friend to live with her as support and companionship as well as to ease some of her financial burden of medical expenses
- Seeking a qualified in-home elder care service (thankfully, she sought healthcare insurance a few years ago that covers this service!)
My friend could really use support in elder practical care – home helper services that are provided by caregivers, including trained Certified Nursing Assistants (CNAs) and Home Health Aids (HHAs). Some of the services she would need are:
- Personal Care (Bathing, Dressing and Toileting)
- Light Housekeeping
- Laundry
- Meal Preparation
- Respite for Family
- Live-In Care
- Companionship
- Concierge Services, including:
- Grocery Shopping
- Errands
- Dog Walking
- Services as requested
According to the National Institute on Aging, “Many people want the same things as they get older: to stay in their own homes, to maintain independence for as long as possible, and to turn to family and friends for help when needed. Staying in your own home as you get older is called “aging in place.” But many older adults and their families have concerns about safety, getting around, or other daily activities. Living at home as you age requires careful consideration and planning,”.
Here are a few things they recommend considering as we age:
- “Planning ahead for aging in place
- Support for aging at home
- Making your home safe and accessible
- Resources for aging in place
- How much will it cost to age in place?
- When it’s time to leave home,”.
Growing old alone as a woman
Unfortunately, my friend’s only son lives on the northern East Coast while we live in Michigan. Most of her siblings have passed, and her mom is very old with dementia. However, she does have an incredible network of true friends / a tribe of women in the fellowship we both belong to, as well as one sister who lives close by. She also has a group of German Shepherd breeders and enthusiasts who have been taking care of her dog Zeva the many times she has had to stay in the hospital over the last couple of years.
Being recently divorced myself, I have often thought about how I would get along as I age should my sons decide to live out of state. I am not worried about being lonely or alone, as I also have a strong community of friends and women in fellowship. I do not worry about being single per se; I just want to make sure I have the safeguards in place before I get too much older and need help caring for myself.
An article from 50 and Rising shares that, “Women living alone turn things around and make their later years all about them. And guess what? They love it!
It’s “me time,” they say. So, some stay home and re-invent their lives, others travel or move away. Either way, they take back control of their lives. Living alone means you have all the space you need, make your own decisions and be accountable to no one. It’s a pretty good thing!”
And I couldn’t agree more!
Being single in old age
Let’s face it: after being married for twenty-two years/dating for seven years, a total of twenty-nine years with my ex-husband, I am not in any hurry to get into another relationship anytime soon. While I must prepare myself for growing old alone, I am beyond thrilled, at the moment, to be a single woman in her early fifties. I lived and gave of myself to my family for many years, so now, I absolutely adore my alone time.
New York Times writes, “Jettie McCollough, 68, was married for 28 years but now lives “an incredibly joyful single life.” She has dabbled in online dating, but she recently deleted her accounts with eHarmony and Green Singles after asking herself, “Why am I on this stupid dating site?” (Her experience is not unique. Women over 50 are the demographic most likely to describe their online dating experiences as somewhat or very negative, a Pew survey found.)
Rather than feeling lonely, she has realized that “there is so much connection available in the greater world,” said Ms. McCollough, who lives in Ludlow, Massachusetts,”.
As I reflect on my future, I recognize the importance of not only having financial stability but also a clear plan for maintaining independence and quality of life, which means researching long-term care options, understanding the benefits of assisted living communities, and ensuring that legal matters such as wills, power of attorney, and healthcare directives are in order.
Aging alone doesn’t have to be daunting—it can be a time of personal growth, new adventures, and deepening connections with the people and passions that bring fulfillment. By embracing this next phase with confidence and preparation, I can look forward to a future that is both secure and rewarding.
How to prepare for old age alone
In conclusion, I believe that aging alone is not something to fear but an opportunity to embrace life on our own terms. With the proper planning, support network, and mindset, growing older independently can be fulfilling, empowering, and maybe even exciting.